How did it happen? Something I asked myself a million times. How does anything happen? A series of seemingly unrelated happenings coming together; culminating in a single event; a defining moment. The universe is full of these moments. This moment was mine…

…and hers.

I still remember it vividly. The first time I laid eyes upon her; body so frail that it seemed as though it might collapse under what little weight it carried; her skin looking like it had never been touched by the sun. To say she looked half dead would be giving her far too much credit. The recent bite mark, on her wrist, likely a good indicator that even her cat assumed that she had passed, the last time she slept in. Which turned out to be a common occurrence for the girl in apartment 314.

As you can tell, she was in extremely bad shape. At any given time, it seemed that she had no more than a few weeks left in her. Still, she kept dragging her feeble carcass out of bed at noon to show up at her part-time job, 5 to 10 minutes late every day. Despite her complete lack of drive, she somehow managed to keep her shit together, just enough to hold down a steady job. Although, to be honest, it wasn’t exactly what you would call a high-stress job. I’m almost certain that the only reason Harold kept her around at all, was to prevent people from walking away with the inventory. And the only reason she stayed, was that Harold would let her read all the books she wanted, while at work. Books were just about the only thing she seemed to have any interest in. She was generally quite indifferent to pretty much everything else. This was reflected in the fact that her life was falling apart around her and she couldn’t be bothered to care. It was a minor miracle that she managed to keep her cat alive.

These details were completely lost on Ellie. She had absolutely no delusions that her feline companion might in any way be mystical. Nor would she care that her cat was the progenitor of anything. As far as Ellie could tell, Maud’s only reason for being, was to make her regret every day since she brought her home from Mr. Wu’s Pet store. But, that’s a story for another day.

Up until recently, Ellie had managed to live her life such that she had left little to no impact on the world. When she wasn’t working at Harold’s Bookstore, she’d spend her days sipping red wine, and reading until she passed out on her couch. A few months earlier she got ambitious and decided to read her book under a tree in the park across the street. She packed all the things she needed, in a reusable grocery bag; Book, blanket, Sunhat, Wine. She shoved her keys in her pocket and made the trek across the street. Ellie found a nice shady spot under the branches of a large leafy tree. As for what kind of tree it was, she couldn’t tell. It was large and leafy and it did the trick. She laid out her blanket at the foot of the tree and propped herself against its trunk. Once Ellie had settled in, she reached into her bag and pulled out her book. Soon she was thumbing through the pages of… Anne of Green Gables?

“Crap!” Ellie yelled in her head. The thought was so strong in her mind that she couldn’t be sure she didn’t actually say it aloud. Ellie was not particularly fond of this novel; the only book she disliked more than this book was “Just The Worst”. The only reason It was even in her apartment, was due to the unfortunate fact, that, Sandy found out she was a “bookworm”(A term Ellie hated). It was Sandy’s favorite book as a child. A classic case of a stepmother trying to find common ground. Truth be known, there was nothing particularly wrong with the book; in fact, it was one of Ellie’s favorites in her tween years. However, as it was a gift from her stepmother, it had become forever tainted in her mind.

Upon realizing her mistake, all the feelings of resentment that Ellie felt when she first received the misguided gift from her stepmother, came flooding back.

Any other day, that would be it. Ellie would have packed it in and made for the familiar comfort of her wine-stained, burgundy, English roll-arm couch. Not this day though. On this particular day, she had it in her mind that she was going to enjoy herself, no matter what. Sure it wasn’t Jane Eyre, as she intended, but, It was a sunny day, she had a book and a bottle of Chateau de Gato, Pinto Noir. Ellie was going to sit under that tree and she was going to read that book and drink that wine until one of those two things were done.

Four hours later, Ellie found herself waking up, under a large leafy tree, that had, to her consternation, let her down.

Disoriented, her clothes (Pajama bottom; tank top) and blanket were covered in wine. The left side of her face and most of her left arm; seared red from the Mid-August sun. Her right arm was spared the same fate, by the way, she rolled away from the tree trunk on top of it. The right side of her face was spared as well… at least from the sun. Her skin was stain green from the freshly mowed grass that she was resting in for the past few hours. After taking a few breaths to collect herself and clear her mind, she took stock of what she had. She checked her pockets, pulled out her keys.

Bag? Yes.

Blanket? Yes… although a large portion of it was now covered in wine.

Wine? Empty.

Book?… Book?…

It appeared as though someone had added Anne of Green Gables to their collection. “Why would anyone want to take that?” She wondered. “Oh well, no great loss there.” Ellie packed her keys into her wine-soaked pocket and shoved what was left of her articles, into her reusable grocery bag. She made her way back to Apartment 314.

Once inside, Ellie dropped herself on her wine-stained, burgundy, English roll-arm couch, and promised herself to never attempt something that ambitious ever again.

Defeated, Ellie rolled over onto her back, letting her burnt arm flop to the floor. She gently rotated her head and scanned the coffee table to see if she could locate the TV remote. No remote, but, in the middle of the table her cat was enthusiastically batting at a book. On the spine, Ellie could easily make out the name… Jane Eyre. “Groan…” She rolled back over and passed out.

Why am I telling you this?

Context.

From the outside, just a series of happenings coming together, culminating in a single event in an otherwise uneventful life. From Ellie’s point of view, it was another random unlucky event among many that have plagued her adult life. If only the complexities of life could be boiled down to something so simple as good and bad luck; every action determined by a cosmic coin toss. The reality however is something far less random and in actuality quite controllable.

Take Jane for example. Jane had moved into apartment 214, the day before Ellie’s disastrous park adventure. The very next weekend, Jane had similar ambitions.

One morning, upon waking and seeing the sun’s rays pushing its way through the cracks in her bedroom curtains, marking the far wall with a warm line of light; Jane climbed out of her bed and pulled back the curtains ever so slightly. Sticking her head in the opening she had just created, she investigated thoroughly, the splendor, that she revealed. As she observed, a smile slowly crept onto her face; tugging at the ends of her lips; first one side, then the other; pulling each end, further and further away from each other, until it became a full-on grin. “Oh, the possibilities” Jane sacchariciously denoted to herself. She thought for a moment and decided on a plan. She tore off her nightwear (Pajama bottoms and tank top), tossed them in a heap by the door, and shuffled to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth, combed her hair, washed her face, and did a few other things that she would rather I didn’t divulge, despite the fact, that everyone does them. Completing her morning bathroom ritual, she painted herself with a generous coat of SPF 50 Sunscreen. She then scooted back to her bedroom, reached into her dresser, and pulled out her special sundress; the one that she got from her stepmother on her 25^th birthday; it was white with sunflowers. Jane cherished the fact that her father had met someone as wonderful as Linda. She felt that Her stepmother understood her right away. Linda always gave her the best gifts and the sundress was one of her favorites.

Once dressed, Jane reached into her closet, where she grabbed her picnic basket and blanket. She scurried to the kitchen, went into her fridge, and removed a bottle of Green Arm, Shiraz. In her cupboard, Jane found 2 wine glasses. She figured she might meet a new friend, so she brought both. Then, she tossed together a peanut butter and marmalade sandwich, cut it down the middle, wrapped it in Saran Wrap, and placed it all, carefully in her basket. From her kitchen table, she grabbed her book and tossed it into the basket as well. Jane pulled her blanket through the basket handles and headed out the door, grabbing her keys and sunhat along the way.

Once at the park Jane found a nice shady patch under a hawthorn tree. Its broad green leaves were perfectly suited to provide summer shade. Jane laid out her blanket at the foot of the tree and it wasn’t long before she was sipping wine and thumbing through the pages of Anne of Green Gables.

Before that day, Jane had no desire to read Anne of Green Gables. However, just the previous weekend, while she was making her way through the park, some unruly drunk woman threw her book at Jane’s head, before passing out face down in the freshly cut grass. It was a particularly unpleasant exchange, even before the book tossing.

When passing by the drunk woman, the drunk woman slurred at Jane, “hey! what’s your name?”

Jane replied nervously with her name.

Drunk woman; “it’s what?”

“It’s Jane”, Jane reiterated.

“It’s Jane! Jane!” The drunk woman chortled; finishing with a grin.

“Yes, Jane!”

It was at that point the drunk woman’s smile disappeared. She snarled “I got something for you Jane!” and hurled her book at Jane’s face, then subsequently toppled over and passed out.

Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, Jane hung on to the book and ran back to her apartment.

But that was last week. This week she was sitting under the same hawthorn, that the drunk woman was sitting under. This week she was sipping wine and reading Anne of Green Gables in the park, on an almost perfect day in the late August sun.

Before too long the wine was done, her sandwich was et, and her book was dog-eared on page six. She placed everything carefully back in her picnic basket, except for her blanket, which she pulled through the handles and her sunhat that she had in her left hand so that she could feel the warm August breeze blow through her long auburn hair. With basket hooked into her left elbow and hat in her left hand, Jane strolled back to apartment 214 hand in hand with her new friend.

If it wasn’t bad luck, why did Ellie’s day turn out far worse than Jane’s? It should be pretty clear to most. Poor planning and negative outlook. Also, Ellie is almost certainly an alcoholic. And that’s just a shortlist of Ellie’s problems.

Yes, Ellie had a drinking problem… and an anger issue… and a self-esteem issue… an eating disorder, a sleep disorder, depression, and probably scurvy as well. It’s also worth noting hygiene, personal or otherwise, wasn’t currently a priority in Ellie’s life. When I say Ellie had an eating disorder, that was a half-truth. She’d eat just fine if she wasn’t so busy getting drunk all the time. I’m no psychiatric specialist but if I had to get to the real root of Ellie’s condition, I would say; she had a life problem. Not in the sense that she had problems in her life (she clearly had plenty of those) or that she had an aversion to living. It just so happened that she had Cotard’s Syndrome.

Ellie believed she was dead and at the same time didn’t.

What was particularly strange about Ellie, was the fact that she was pretty sure she was dead, yet at the same time she was in denial about it. Yeah, I know what it sounds like; it sounds like a load of nonsense. But that’s Ellie for you. Full of contradiction, full of impossibilities. It’s one of the reasons I found her so intriguing.

Before I get too far ahead of myself. I didn’t always find Ellie intriguing. When she first entangled with my life thread. I didn’t feel anything about her. To be honest I didn’t feel anything about anything at all. At least that was the lie I told myself. She was just one assignment amongst many. It seemed however that the universe had a different plan for me.